Twas the Night Before Christmas
by Spotty1006
Summary: Fail LOZ Christmas poem. Feel free to shoot me.


**I wrote this for Christmas Eve on deviantArt. Thought it'd make a good Christmas Eve gift here, too. Sorry for not being around much...  
>Prepare yourself for the most fail poem ever.<br>DISCLAIMER: If I owned LoZ, I wouldn't be on this site, I'd be off making a game for Nintendo.**

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><p>Twas the night before Christmas and all through Hyrule,<br>Not a creature was stirring, and all things were cool.  
>Not a stocking was hung by the chimney with care<br>For the next day there were no gifts to be shared.  
>The five Links had decided the previous night<br>To not give any presents to prevent a fight.  
>But to a surpise next morning they woke<br>And at first they thought it was all a joke.  
>But it was true, someone had left presents for them<br>And it looked like amazement had been their aim.  
>Not a Link knew who the cuplrit was,<br>But it didn't matter to them, because  
>The presents lined up against the wall<br>Said they would have Christmas after all.  
>Green walked over to the presents and said,<br>"All of the top presents belong to Red."  
>"What's so special about him?" asked Blue.<br>"I want to open my presents too!"  
>Ignoring him, Red opened his presents first.<br>Upon opening the first, in delight he cursed.  
>"Great godesses of Hyrule!" exclaimed the knight,<br>as he hugged his present in joyous delight.  
>"All the merchandise from Homestuck, it's all mine!"<br>Vio just shrugged and asked for the time.  
>"Wait," Shadow said with a peculiar look.<br>"What's with the rhymes?" asked the crook.  
>"I don't know what you mean," said Green.<br>To open his presents, Blue was still keen.  
>Opening his next present, Red sat in a chair<br>And found the cutest little hare.  
>"Snackers?" Red asked with shock.<br>"I thought you were sleeping under the clock!"  
>As from the bathroom Green came back,<br>Red's last gift was found as a delicious snack.  
>"Whoever's idea it was, wasn't bright<br>To send me the gift of cookies last night."  
>Blue shrugged and tasted one.<br>"They taste a little over-done."  
>Vio opened his presents next<br>And first found an Ezlo-shaped cake.  
>The bookworm shrugged and sat it aside,<br>For this cake Ezlo hadn't died.  
>Next he found a stack of books<br>And smiled, at them he'd later look.  
>A Keaton was his very last alms<br>So he took the Keaton into his palms.  
>He gave it a hug, and Shadow's time came<br>To open presents, but they're all the same.  
>He received individually wrapped explosives<br>And didn't find them very corrosive.  
>But this didn't make Shadow grieve,<br>Worse ones from Vaati he'd received.  
>After Shadow, it was Green's turn,<br>And Blue's anger continued to churn.  
>The first gift he opened was bubble wrap,<br>And at first he thought it was a mishap.  
>"I think my present had been misplaced,"<br>Said Green as Blue to him lambaste.  
>Green glared at him and lambasted back.<br>"Why'd you do that? What's up with that?"  
>"Let me open my gifts already!"<br>Demanded Blue as Green went unsteady.  
>"Wait your turn, Blue, because this present is mine!"<br>Green said, taking a gift for a second time.  
>Inside he found a little toy train,<br>And said with a smile, "I like trains."  
>A train ran over the Link of Blue<br>As he told Green, "I like trains too!"  
>His last gift was a Klondike Bar,<br>He said with a sigh, "Hardy har har."  
>"What's wrong?" Red asked, holding up a letter.<br>"I just think I could've gotten something better."  
>"Come on, don't be like that," said Shadow.<br>"What were you expecting? A taco?  
>We weren't going to have Christmas this year,<br>So be thankful for what you have here."  
>"I know," said Green, stopping his whining.<br>Shadow said, "Hey! Everyone stop rhyming!"  
>Blue rolled his eyes and he said,<br>"It's my turn!", and ate some bread.  
>His first present made him smile like a zombie.<br>Someone had given him a lot of coffee.  
>But then the coffee said, "Hey, I bet<br>You're not old enough to drink me yet."  
>Blue rolled his eyes and drank the liquid,<br>If he didn't drink it, he'd feel cheated  
>Out of his coffe.<br>He needed some zloty.  
>His next gift was several large tables.<br>He wanted to beat the gifter with cables.  
>He already had thousands of these,<br>And these tables came with moldy cheese.  
>His third gift was definitely his favorite,<br>He couldn't get mad if he's covered in ergot.  
>"I GOT A SAGI PLUSH!" Blue squealed with glee.<br>He was so happy he punched Red in the knee.  
>Red started crying, but Blue didn't care.<br>He hugged Sagi like a little girl would a mare.  
>"There's no more presents," Green said with cheer.<br>Red pointed out, "Hey, there's still on here!"  
>"It's addressed to Navi," Blue read out loud.<br>"I wonder what this presents all about?"  
>"I'll go get her," Green said with a sigh.<br>He was prepared for his eardrums to die.  
>Ten minutes later, the fairy arrived.<br>"Sorry if I'm not on time."  
>She opened her gift after having a sup,<br>And from the box Link popped up.  
>He raised his sword over his head,<br>And with a smile the green hero said,  
>"I'm about to do the greatest deed!<br>I'll rid Hyrule of the annoying Navi!"  
>Navi's eyes widened and away she went,<br>For what Link said she knew he meant.  
>Link chased her, and so said the knight,<br>"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

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><p><strong>Odd words I learned while writing this:<br>Lambaste- to beat with a cane  
>Zloty- I think it's the Polish currency<br>Sup- to take by spoonfuls, to eat dinner  
>So hopefully nothing else in here is confusing, since a lot of these words were a result of typing words into a rhyme generator and hoping something would pop up that worked.<strong>

**Feel free to eat me now. This poem is full of fail, but happy Christmas Eve! I'll post ANOTHER fail tomorrow, only it won't be in poem form.**


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